In Lima, OH there is an ordinance for Halloween.



On Saturday, for two hours all registered sex offenders are required to be "rounded up". If they don't show up to the designated location they get arrested.

I have no sympathy for sex offenders, especially those who have committed crimes against children. If i was not a rational human being, i would want those people tortured. I think there is no crime worse than sexual crimes against children, because it perpetuates a cycle in society. Although physical damage may not remain, the psychological damage is immeasurable. It takes people their whole lives to recover, and many never recover.

I will be honest though, this ordinance bothers me. I understand you want to protect children from these criminals. However...i almost feel it is a violation of their rights. While convicted felons...they are still Americans with (limited) rights. And where is the responsibility of the parent anyway? If you locked up every person who has the potential to harm children on Halloween night, you would need to lock up everyone. And then trick-or-treating would be finished. What ever happened to parents monitoring their own children. I think it is wrong to expect your local government to violate the rights of people just because you don't want to watch them.

Contrary to my opinion stated above, i do have mixed feelings. I understand the desire to keep these people away from your children, but at some point there must be some kind of personal responsibility.

Since i was 14 years old, I have been a serial monogomist. I dated Joey, and then i dated Matt. During my break ups with Matt, i dated Ryan and David. Then i went to college. I dated Brian for two and a half years. During the last 6 months of said relationship, i had guys on the side (yes i know...totally shady...but i was 20!). Right after Brian and i broke up, I started dating Brett. We dated for a year and a half. Since we've broken up, I haven't really had a long term relationship. In the last year and a half since we broke up, i have only spent six months of that dating someone. Three different guys no less. I spent 2 months with each of them. So i think it is safe to say I am no longer a serial monogomist. YEAH!!! So what does that make me now? A serial dater? A serial short term dater? A regular human being?

Today was the unit meeting in Indy. On the way down i was forced to listen to conservative talk radio. While listening to said talk radio, I heard an interview with Mark Souder who is the incumbent in Congress. He is running against Dr. Tom Hayhurst. At the end of Souder's interview, he said "We are engaged in a battle for the soul of America." Now, I would just like the say, I don't want the Government going anywhere NEAR my soul. Why in the world would i want the most corrupt, morally inept people in this country to battle for my soul? Yes...the morals of this country are probably not what they should be, but i just don't think that the pedophiles, adulterers, embezzlers, and former drug addicts are really the people to be telling me what is moral or not. Souder is a Republican, so I wouldn't vote for him. But after that statement, I'm sure not going to vote for him. Also while listening to this horrible talk radio, i heard a comment from Rush Limbaugh (Satan incarnate i'm sure) about Michael J. Fox. He was talking about the campaign ad in which Michael J Fox is support a Missouri Senator, b/c the other one running doesn't support stem cell research. Well...Limbaugh insists that Michael J Fox is faking his symptoms. He said he was shaking all over the place, but that clearly that was an act because "When i've seen him on Boston Legal, he's fine". HELLO!!! It's a TV show. Of course they are going to edit all that out. And if you knew anything about the taping of Boston Legal, you would know they went through extreme measures to tape when Michael was having a good day. Clearly Rush did not see him the day he spoke to Congress...because I'm pretty sure it broke my heart to watch a young talented man such as himself shake like a '85 truck going 80 miles an hour. Although Rush did apologize later on, still. There are just somethings you don't talk about. People's debilitating illnesses being one of them. So thank you Rush for proving once again that you are in fact an ass.

I went to Kelly's wedding last weekend in Wisconsin. I got to see Jackie! Yeah!!! That always makes for a good time.

So a recap of the weekend:

Friday-drive to Wisconsin. Horrible. I got stuck in traffic in Merrillville, Schereville, and Chicago Heights. Blah. But i finally made it. Jackie and i ate at a local brewery and we got a 6 pack at the liquor store across the street. We spent the evening drinking beer and being silly with a shower cap. Don't ask. :-)

Saturday/Sunday-lounging around, Panera, Target. Then we went back and got ready for the wedding. The wedding was absolutely beautiful, and the reception was really nice too. I met a hot grooms man. ;-) The evening was spent dancing, drinking, and just general merriment with Jackie. After the wedding a few of us went out to the bar and drank some more. Eventually we made it back to the hotel room, I slept about an hour and a half and then i had to take Jackie to the airport. Talk about suck! I went back to the hotel, slept for another 45 minutes or so, and then I took Sarah to the airport. Then i went back, showered, and drove the 6 hours back to Fort Wayne. Even though I was exhausted, the trip back went much quicker.

In (un)related news, I'm meeting "Fake Brett" (as Jackie calls him) in St. Louis for a weekend in 3 weeks. I'm finally going to go up into the Arch, and see St. Louis. Hayley thinks this has the makings of a movie plot. I'm meeting a guy who looks like Brett in St. Louis, where Brett lives. Though the chances of running in to him are incredibly slim, the chance for irony there is just so great, there's a good possiblity this could happen. Y'all all will just have to stay tuned to find out.

Nothing overly exciting is coming up in the next couple of weeks. Halloween will be happening soon, and I'm gonna be a red hat lady, complete with purple suit, red hat, and gray hair. I'll post pictures.

The topic of discussion today is older men.

Is it appropriate for a woman my age, almost 24, to date someone who is 44?

Normally i would totally say no. What could someone who is 44 and someone who is 24 possibly have in common than the obvious desire to have sex together?

However...the reasons why i would not date someone as old as my father are thus:

1. I can't imagine a relationship developing between two people so different in age
2. I want a family, but not for several years. At the age of 44, you're pushing the waiting envelope
3. i don't generally find older men attractive.
4. It seems wrong, b/c society tells me it's wrong.

But...here's where my arguments fall down.

1. I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone at the moment, so why does it matter if i can't see a relationship developing?
2. I'm not going to start a family with someone i don't want a relationship with, so once again, why does it matter?
3. There are exceptions to every rule
4. Who gives a shit about society

I would like to get a little feedback on this. See what my faithful blog readers think. :-)

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Tonight i went out for margaritas with some folks from my bible study group. It was a lot of fun. :-)

However...today, a very odd feeling came over me. I want to have kids. It's really kind of scary. I think i realized what people mean by the ticking biological clock. Yes, i'm not quite 24 yet, so I am in no position, nor do i really desire, to have children at this point in my life. But today i actually felt like i wanted to have children. Normally i say that i want to have children b/c that's what people who are my age say. I assume that in several years i would actually want children. I've never actually felt the need to procreate before though. Today i felt that need. It was quite frightening. It passed just as quickly as it came, but the impression was quite lasting. Terrifying. That's what it is. Just down right terrifying! Bah!!! I'm becoming an adult. Someone save me!

Okay...back from my nap and feeling more energized. So something very odd happened at the conference this week. I met someone who looks scarily like Brett. Not quite exactly his twin, but so close that when I first saw him I thought it was Brett. Initially this of course freaked me out, and i couldn't help but stare at this guy. Later I introduced myself and explained that he looked like someone I knew. Here's a Fiona Apple song I've been digging lately, and for Billy's entertainment I will share it.

Pale September
I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within

But then he rose, brilliant as the moon is full
And sank in the burrows of my keep
And all my armor falling down
in a pile at my feet
and my winter gave way to warmth
As i'm singing him to sleep

He goes along just as a water lily
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
Unweighed down by passion or intensity
Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts

And it finds a home in me
For what misfortune sows he knows my touch will reap
And all my armor falling down
in a pile at my feet
and my winter gave way to warmth
As i'm singing him to sleep

I'm back baby! And more than in the physical sense. The conference was good, i met lots of interesting people and learned lots of neat stuff. Nothing really exciting to report. And yes, i did in fact look at that website you sent me hay. I like Julien Beever. I think his work is so cool. I just can't figure out how he does it. I would have more to write, but i'm pretty exhausted at the moment. Nap time!

Slept better last night. I'm gonna be gone on a conference until Wednesday. Sarah killed me yesterday...my legs and butt hurt SO bad!! I haven't lifted weights in forever...so i'm really paying for it today. But all those lunges are good for you. Overall, i'm feeling a little better today...but not 100%. I think i'm going to need at least a week for that. But drowning myself in Fiona Apple yesterday always helps. And then on Friday i'll be drowning in alcohol...so that will definitely make it all better.

A few excerpts from one of my (many) favorite Breaking Benjamin songs.

This will be all over soon
Pour salt into the open wound
Is it over yet? Let me in.
So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left
I know that i can find the fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way, get away please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You gotta fight just to make it through.
Cause i will be the death of you.

I'm waiting
I'm praying
Realize
Start hating

Didn't sleep very well last night. Most of the anger is gone. Sadly when anger leaves me, it leaves me depleted of all my energy...so now all i feel is melancholy. This too shall pass.

"When sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, It is well. It is well with my soul."

Well guys...i have officially rejoined the land of singles. The Paramedic informed me (via telephone) today that he has decided to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. I saw him on Thursday...and he didn't mention a thing. He called me yesterday to make sure we were still getting together tonight...and then he calls me again today for what i think is plan solidification, but instead drops the bomb that he is getting back together with the ex-girlfriend who crushed him. Way to go Paramedic. So i suppose I'm back on the market again. However...dating holds no appeal for me this time. I thought i did everything "right". You know...take things really slow...make sure you get to know the guy real well first. So much for that. I know in a few months i'll suddenly get the urge to start dating again...but to be quite honest...i'm getting a little tired of dating. Especially guys from Fort Wayne. At least I didn't invest much in this relationship though. It would seem I have learned my lesson from the other guys. Ah well...back to square one. Viva la single life.

I'm not feeling any better than yesterday. I'm having the same thoughts I did yesterday. This has actually put me in a quite a funk. But the nap after work helped me feel a little better. But the funk is still there. Today on myspace i saw my ex boyfriend's site. I haven't seen him in 5 or so years. I think the last time was after my freshman year in college. Anyway...it was weird. He has a daughter in the first grade, and a son. And he's really into Star Wars. It seems like a life time ago when we dated. So much has changed. I've dated several other guys, and have had my heart broken. He's got kids. Weird. It's hard to imagine a time when we dated. But we did, for like 2 years. Just weird is all.

I'm having some problems solidifying exactly what is bothering me at the moment. However...i can pin down what is causing these thoughts.

Today i had a good discussion with a friend at work about relationships. Namely, my inability to function normally in a relationship. Anyway...a thought struck me. It would appear that i set men up to fail. I push them away under the pretense of being honesty. While not a bad approach...i try to make it difficult for them to want a relationship with me. But then i get angry when they hold me at arms length or push me away. A line from a Fiona Apple song rings particularly true "I think he let me down when he didn't disappoint me."

So while i was considering all this i call my dad. My mom had her surgery today (she's fine). And my dad took today off, and just sat in the hospital waiting room until my mom got out of surgery. And then he sat around the hospital until they sent her home. He's also staying home all next week, not because my mom will need his help, the surgery is minor and she should be fine in a few days. No...he's staying home with my mom, because he knows my mom will not want to sit around. She'll get bored and she'll overdo it and then she'll end up being in pain a lot longer. Having a prestigious job will not keep me from being alone when I have to have surgery. Having a high power career will not guarantee that there will be someone there who knows me so well that he will take a week of work just to make sure i don't overdo things. Making more money will not make me feel less alone when i'm old.

I despise people who think money will make them happy. Brett was like that, and we argued about it all the time. I would tell him that money would not buy him happiness, and he needed to do what made him happy, and not what would make him money. I almost considered myself superior in a way, because I thought i was above that materialistic view. But i'm not. I'm materialistic in a different way. I don't care about the money, but I want the prestige. I want the recognition, I want to be "someone". While having a good career, and being known in my field would make me feel good...ultimately it wouldn't make me happy.

I'm not saying that I won't pursue my dreams of a good career. I am not compromising the beliefs that i hold. Today it just occured to me that perhaps i wasn't looking at the whole picture. For so long I've only focused on my career and where i planned to go with it. It's the only thing i can really control.

I'm not looking for advice. I know what all my faithful readers will say. Go forth with your career and consider nothing else (with the exception of hayley, she'll say relax and stop worrying). I just need to think out loud.

I'm having some difficulty with my priorities. I'm not really sure that I have them straight. But i'm not sure that I don't have them straight either. More to follow later when i have the time.

I'm sorry I'm going to miss homecoming this year folks. Hopefully next year will be better for me. Have fun all of those who are going. Drink a few beers for me, and sing some karaoke at Rafter's. I wish i could be there.

So today i went to McDonald's for lunch (yes, i know, healthy). I pull up to the window you pay at, and the woman takes my card. As she's standing at the window, another employee leans out the window and says to me "I like your green car. It's very kewl!" And yes...it was pronounced kewl...and not cool. It was just bizarre. It's not like i drive a new car. It's a 2000 Honda Civic. And it has dents and scratches in the hood (from the ass that jumped on it over a year ago). While not a 1989 silver Pontiac Bonneville missing the side paneling b/c of an incident with a cement pole, it is also not a Lexus. I just thought it was interesting.

Nothing really exciting has been happening the last few days. I got a 33% raise at work so party time!!! Everything else is going pretty good. I'll be going to Wisconsin in a few weeks to Kelly's wedding, and i'll get to see Jackie. Woohoo!! Drunken debauchery will ensue. Also, Breaking Benjamin will be in Dayton on Oct. 31!!!! I think maybe Dan and I are going. Which i have to tell you, i'm super excited! Breaking Benjamin! on Halloween!!! However, the question is...do you wear a costume to a concert on halloween?? Or is that considered concert taboo? All these deep questions to ponder. We're switching our computer database at work, so i've had a lot of time to contemplate such important questions. I finished all my work today, and i can't take anymore work out until our computer systems come back on line (which they are saying won't be until Thursday), so tomorrow will be pretty boring day at work.