I don't know what made me think about this, but when I was in high school I worked in a grocery store. I had a huge crush on Jason from produce. (Yeah...go on and laugh it up)

Anyway...he once told me that i had the smile of a buddhist. At the time i just assumed it was some weird compliment (given that he was a buddhist), but now I'd like to know exactly what that means.

Anyone have any suggestions? What does it mean exactly to smile like a buddhist?

Don't mind me and my little pity party earlier...i'm over it now.

So...quick thing...i wore my new red sweater that i bought from the Gap this weekend. I washed it on Sunday and let it dry flat for a few days. I just now took it off, and my skin is red everywhere except where my bra was, and my pants started. I look like i went out in the July sun with nothing but dress slacks and a bra on. How ridiculous!

I'm a little bummed out so I don't feel like posting for real...so i stole this from Amanda

7 YEARS AGO

How old were you?:
16

What school year were you ?
Junior in HS

Where did you go to school?
Seneca High School

Where did you work?
I didn't, but i started working at Bi-Lo that summer

Where did you live?:
Seneca, SC

Where did you hang out?:
College Ave, Clemson, SC. The White Rabbit. Candice's and Matt's house.

How was your hair style?:
sadly...exactly the same as it is now. Approximately chin length and natural color

Did you wear braces?
yes

Did you wear glasses?
yes

Who was your best friend?
Candice Johnson

Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Matt Bradley

Who was your regular-person crush?
Scott somebody

How many piercings did you have?
3

How many tattoos did you have?
none

What was your favorite band?
The Cranberries and Fiona Apple

What was your worst fear?
uh...getting a B in chemistry?

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
yes, i was a regular smoker then

Had you gotten drunk or high yet?
drunk, not high

Had you driven yet?
I got my license when i was 15, so i had been driving for like 6 months

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HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!
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How old are you?:
23

What school year are you in?:
done with school for now

Where do you work?
Indiana State Police

Where do you live?
Fort Wayne, IN

Where do you hang out?
home and Sarah's

How is your hair style?:
chin length and brown

Do you wear glasses?
contacts

Who is your best friend(s)?:
Dianna Artigue, Jackie Sanders

Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?:
don't have one...boys suck

Who is your regular-person crush?
sadly i don't have a crush now, but I'm open for bids

How many tattoos do you have?
2 (hopefully 3 soonish)

How many piercings do you have?
7

Who is your favorite band?
Fiona Apple, Breaking Benjamin

What is your biggest fear?
never finding someone who wants to put up with me

Have you driven yet?
every day

Have you smoked a cigarette yet?
yes, but i'm a quitter

Have you gotten drunk or high yet?
Never high, although I see drugs everyday (work), and yeah i had gotten drunk

So today is the day that's dreaded by all singles everywhere. The day when the fact that you are alone is rubbed in your face in the form of pink hearts and roses. By happy couples smooching in public, and that coworker whose thoughtful husband sends flowers to work.

Bah humbug. Just call me the scrooge of romantic Valentine's Day. Instead...i'm going to use this opportunity to discuss all the things that I love, even though they aren't the romantic kind of love. This list is in no particular order.

I love...

Snuggling in the bed with my dog on Saturday mornings
When Dianna plays with my hair when i've had a bad day
Buying shoes
My Mom and Dad
When my brother tells me what's going on in his life
Working out with Sarah, and then eating unhealthy food afterwards
Grey's Anatomy
Mike Merritt's laugh
Pay Day
Yoga Pants
Nick's stories
Hayley and her mohawk
Pinto beans and cornbread with fried potatoes
Going to church on sundays
3 hour conversations with Jackie

There are of course a ton of other things i could put on this list...but i'll end it here to avoid boring everyone.

Before I start my post, I'd like to say thanks to Billy for being my personal cheerleader for these last couple of days. :-)

I had a wonderful weekend of girliness involving therapuetic shopping. I went with the plan to buy brown boots, and brown dress pants and ended up buying two sweaters (turquois and red), a black purse, and pink tennis shoes (which i must say are super cute). But it was good to buy things that I didn't plan on buying. However...i really do need the boots and pants. I've gone this long without them though. Also this weekend, we discussed thoroughly why I have a fear of commitment. I have three reasons.

1. I am afraid of getting hurt, but who isn't?
2. I am afraid that someone will try to change me.
3. I am afraid that a man is going to try and interfere with my career goals.

It has been decided that reason number 3 is the biggest reason. In response to this newly realized problem, I'm just gonna wing dating. If some cute guy asks me out, I won't say no. But i'm not going to actively pursue any man, nor will I go out of my way to find a date. No time limits or constraints because honestly it may be best for me if i don't date. I'm not sure what i'm going to be doing in two years, and I imagine that makes it difficult for any man to feel secure with me...much less me feel secure to start something.

So...we'll just see how this goes. And i'm sure that soon i'll be swooning under the cheesy words of some Rico Suave.

I wouldn't be me if i didn't put up song lyrics about my current male trouble. One day...I will not have to put "you hurt me" lyrics up anymore...but that day is not today. No one says it better than Fiona Apple.

What you did to me made me
See myself something different
Though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen

Won't you go away
Turned yourself in
You're no good at confession
Before the image that you burned me in
Tries to teach you a lesson

What you did to me made me see myself somethin' awful
A voice once stentorian is now again meek and muffled
It took me such a long time to get back up the first time you did it
I spent all I had to get it back, and now it seems I've been outbidded

My peace and quiet was stolen from me
When I was looking with calm affection
You were searching out my imperfections

What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff

You came upon me like a hypnic jerk
When I was just about to settle
And when it counts you recoil
With the cryptic word you even love belittling

Oh what a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me

What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff

Oh, well

So i just recently read a theory on relationships I found kind of interesting. It said that you attract what you are. I always seem to attract men who on some level are afraid of commitment. I can help but wonder if deep down maybe i have a fear of commitment. Just a thought.

Well...i have now rejoined the land of Singles again. Apparantely there's just something about me that prevents people from loving me. Oh well...what can you do? Dianna suggested I restart my no dating pledge...i'm debating whether to do that or not.

It's interesting though to think that in 5 months i've managed to swear off men, find one and actually want to date him, and then back to being single. I must say...I move quick!

So...who votes for picking up my self-imposed no dating (which would end March 15), who votes for starting it all anew (which would end June 7), and who thinks I should just scrap the idea together?

Since I am such a dependent, indecisive person I need YOUR opinion to help me live my life! ;-) Despite the fact that i have just been dumped...something incredibly wonderful happened on Monday which makes the blow a little easier to take. Also, I'll be going to Indianapolis on Thursday night (yeah...i'm taking a 3 day weekend) and we're going to do some therapuetic shopping. I'm all about it.

Also, since I just lost my date to the symphony on Feb. 17 (and i bought a super hot black dress for it too) instead my friend Sarah is going to go with me. And we're gonna put on our pretty dresses and fix our hair and just enjoy the night for ourselves.

So down with men! Who needs 'em?? Not me!!