This is going to be a short post. I just wanted to let all you people know that I won't be around for the weekend. I'll be in Terre Haute reliving my college experience. I'll be happy to be around people who love me. Sometimes up here I don't feel like A) i fit in or B) that anyone likes me. But there is at least one place...where i can remember a time when i did fit and and people did like me. :-) Also...i think i've figured out the reason for my funk lately. I need a vacation desparately. Although I spent a few days in California, of those 5 days 2 of them were spent traveling. I can't wait until thanksgiving when i can go home for a week and i don't have to do anything other than be lazy and enjoy being around my family.

I also realized something the other day. My brother is growing up. He's maturing so much, and I just hate that i have to miss all of it. Somedays...i just want to leave this all behind and move back to the South where things go slower and people are nicer.

Alright...no more whining b/c no one likes a whiner!

"I wanted you to know/i love the way you laugh"

There once was a young woman named Audra who worked in a chemistry laboratory. She was a nice enough girl, but a little nerdy. On her way home from work she liked to flirt with boys who were driving down the road just to have a good time. Well one day...someone got very angry with her flirtiness and decided to put an end to it. He told her a wicked story about the headless, harley riding man and how he chased little girls who dared to cross under the overpass of I-69 at exit 102. Well, this young woman didn't listen because being the dork that she was, she didn't have the opportunity to meet anyone. Well, one day on her way home from work, as she crossed under the I-69 overpass, a man came flying off the exit ramp only he had no head!!! In his black leather harley jacket, and his motorcycle roaring like hell had released a thousand demons! As he signaled to get into her lane, she was terrified by his headless body...only to realize that really his head was hiding behind the collar of his coat. He had it turned up so high, that he did indeed appear headless.

Okay...so most of that story was fabricated...but i did actually see a guy who looked like he had no head b/c his collar was turned up so high. It was really quite hilarious. And i figured i owed you guys one of my exaggerated stories.

One more funny thing that happened today...and i just found it ironic...as i was listening to the radio...they advertized that you could get "out of the 80's at work" b/c they played modern music that was work friendly. After this advertisement...they promptly played a remake of an 80's song. How apro pro. Is that correct latin there?? Ah well...i only took french and spanish.

Some good lyrics for you tonight...

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices
the contrast of white on white.
And in between the moon and you, angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.
I walk in the air between the rain, through myself and back again.
Where? I don't know.
Maria says she's dying, through the door I hear her crying
Why? I don't know.

Round here, we always stand up straight.
Round here, something radiates.

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis.
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she's walking on a wire in a circus.
She parks her car outside of my house, and takes her clothes off.
Says she's close to understanding Jesus.
She knows she's more than just a little misunderstood,
she has trouble acting normal when she's nervous.

Round here we're carving out our names
Round here we all look the same.
Round here we all talk just like lions,
but we sacrifice like lambs.
Round her she's slipping through my hands.

Sleeping children better run like the wind
out of the lightening
Mama's little baby better get herself in
out of the lightening

She says, "It's only in my head."
She says, "Shh...I know, it's only in my head."

But the girl on the car in the parking lot
says "man you should try to take a shot,
can't you see my walls are crumbling?"

Then she looks up at the building
says she's thinking of jumping
she says she's tired of life,
she must of tired of something

Round here she's always on my mind
Round here, hey man, we got lots of time
Round here we're never sent to bed early
and nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late

I can't see nothing, nothing, around here

Catch me if i'm falling, catch me if i'm falling
would you catch me if i'm falling?

I said i'm under the gun...around here.

Wow...i totally had the case of the Mondays today. Every week it gets harder and harder to go to work on monday. Bleh...So the season finale of beautiful people is on tonight. I'm so pumped. That is such a great show! talk about serious drama! :-D It's like my life sometimes. So...i had a funny story to put up here today...and big surprise i forgot. Geez...sometimes i'm such a flake. So i did discover a pet peeve of mine recently. It's so minor...but it seriously bothers me. I hate it when people are typing...and instead of "you" they type "u". I don't know what it bothers me so much...b/c i never capitalize my i's when it's in the middle of a sentence. So i can't be pissed about laziness. I don't know...i think maybe it is the fact that if i don't want to show respect for myself by capitalizing 'i' it's one thing...but someone else not showing me respect by typing out "you". Who knows...or maybe i'm just a freak. That's prolly the more likely there. Alright...well...beautiful people is on...so this beautiful person has got to go. I don't have to live through another monday for a whole week! Yeah!!!

Okay...so is it just me...or does everyone else get these random comments from people who are trying to get me to visit their stock market type blogs? Are these generic comments generated by blogger and that's how they make their money...by forcing these advertisements on people's blogs? Anyone know? Maybe i'm just a business magnet. Now...if only i could be a man and money magnet and i'd be great!!! ;-)

Well...yesterday i helped my friend Sarah (not to be confused with Sara) move into her new house. It reminded me of how much i really hate moving...and just solidified my plan to stay in my apartment for one more year. The only advantage to moving is you find all this stuff you forgot you had. But then you also find a whole bunch of stuff that you just need to throw away.

So i feel very childish...but i really miss my mom and dad right now. I saw them in July so that's not too long ago...but i haven't been back to South Carolina since i moved here in january. And although technically Fort Wayne is my home now...i still call South Carolina "home". Do you think that eventually goes away and you learn to be at home where you are? Any comments from people who have joined the real world?

So i have a bookshelf sitting in my living room with no books. It has to be the saddest thing ever. To have an object whose sole purpose in life is to hold reading material and knowledge just waiting to be imparted...and yet it is sitting there completely abandoned unable to fulfill it's purpose in life b/c some dumb ass Hautian who has probably never read a book in their life decided it was his right to relieve me of the over 100 books i had. Grrrr....

Even though it happened 9 months ago...i still get angry sometimes when i think of all the things i lost.

Ah well...enough of that. I'm glad that today is Sunday...and I still have one more day of freedom before i have to go back to work. But for now...it's off to church...have a great Sunday!

After much deliberation...i think i've decided on a life's goal. I want to become a hot amazonian woman that wears really tight leather skirts and half haltar tops. This way...i get to walk around barefoot all day. And hot guys always land on your deserted island...so i'll have some good looking guy all to myself on my island as i walk around in my tight leather. What do you guys think? I already really like not wearing any shoes and i think it would be kinda nice to walk around on my own island with my own personal man toy. :-) So...the real question is...how to implement said plan. Right now i'm on step 6 of 64. (This is a joke...at work yesterday they told us they were going to implement Justice Trax into our computer system...and it'll be done by December but they're on step 6 of 64) Anyway I think the first thing I need to do is book myself a small plane that is slightly unreliable so it will gently land on a deserted island. So...as soon as i get this taken care of...i can move on to step 7.

So update on Operation SEAM. It's been a little of a week since the operation took off...and thus far it's going eh. It's not difficult to not date b/c i don't have any options. So that makes that easy. It's more of an inner struggle with my self-esteem I think. I guess the good part about all this is...I know that i'm alone by choice...and not by an uncontrollable situation. So that helps a little.

Well...that's all i have for this morning...but the day is still young...so I may have something for later.

So i've had a few people asking about my new computer. It's nothing very fancy...so all you computer nerds just keep your shirts on. It's a Dell Inspiron 1200. Just a celeron processor. So no fancy Pentium M. CD/DVD ROM with the CD writable. I don't know how much memory or anything like that...so don't even ask. It'll take some getting used to it...but I've gotten all my stuff downloaded at least. So...that's good news. Now all i have to do is transfer over my pictures and i'm good to go.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel really sad inside. Yeah...today is one of those days. I don't know why...but...i just feel numb...it's like when i breathe deep it hurts deep down in my chest. I hate being an emotional girl. Grrrr...

So...on that note...i'm not gonna blog anymore b/c i don't want to make all the rest of you endure my self pity. I'm sure i'll feel better when the sun shines again.

This will be a short post tonight. But i have great news! i got my new laptop and set up wireless all by myself! So...death to Acer!!! hahaha!! My seminar at rose went well. Everyone seemed to enjoy my presentation. Either that or they are great fakers! However...it's very weird being back and not being a student. It's also weird walking around and not knowing anyone. Bringing up some sore memories tonight.

It sucks when you really want to talk to someone. Tell them you're sorry...but you know that talking to them will only do more damage than living without their forgiveness. Doh!

Has anyone ever noticed that if the skin on laura bush's face gets any tighter it'll look like someone has saran wrapped her face?

I'm not sure how long i'm gonna be able to type on here because my laptop is dead. It's been dead for a while...to the point it wouldn't do anything...but i got it to start up today. I should be getting a new laptop in a few days i'm just waiting for it to be delivered.

So...i'm about to be a little more personal on my blog than i usually am. But there's a reason to the madness.

So...after a serious of events that started about 7 years ago...i've decided that i'm going to spend six months in emotional (relationship) isolation. I'm calling this "brilliant" plan Operation SEAM. Six Emotionally Abstinant Months. At which time I will reevaluate what kind of men i'm attracting...and hopefully will actually have better luck this time. Now...any of you past flames out there who may be reading this and feeling guilty...don't flatter yourself.

Now...the reason for posting this plan on my blog is b/c i need all you blog readers out there to make me keep to my promise. I don't want some hot guy to try and come waltzing in my life...and i forget all about my 6 months. Because i'm sure i'll still be attracting the same kind of men i always do. So...if any of you see me posting about some guy in a more than friends way...leave me all sorts of comments telling me no. :-) I'm counting on you all!! This is not some kind of "men suck so i'm giving up on dating" thing...this is a "enjoy sometime for myself" thing. So...on the same day that Julius Caesar was betrayed by Brutus...i will be able to date again. For all of you non historical people that's March 15th. ;-)

So...here we go!!

Well...i'm back from Cali and still in one piece. The visit was fantastic and it was so great to see Jackie. The trip does make me feel a little unsatisfied with my life though. I could easily be in the same mediocre place in Sacramento that i am here...but at least i'd have a friend. The same can be said for Indy...and i wouldn't even have to quit my job even a position ever opened up there. Maybe next time when the position becomes available, I'll consider the opportunity. If i could keep Troy as my supervisor then there would be no reason for me not to move. The only thing that prevents it really is changing bosses. Which i'm not real sure i want to do. Ah well...no reason to think about it now...no positions are open there...and i'm still in this lease until January.

So lately and for no particular reason...i've been thinking a lot about someone from my past. I even had a dream about them last night. I just wish i could stop. I don't like thinking about them.

Okay...enough of this crap...so sunday is Be a Tourist in Your Own Hometown. I'm so super excited. I'm going to see the zoo, the botanical gardens, the courthouse, Artlink, the Lincoln Tower, and Science Central (or at least i'm gonna try to see all these places) for FREE!!! How exciting is that!!

So...funny story about california. Jackie and i had decided we wanted pizza for dinner...so we go to the Roundtable and order. While we're waiting for our pizza to be made, on of the employees gets off her shift and is waiting on her ride. So she sits down in the booth next to us (which is only separated by a waist high partition) and starts talking to another one of her coworkers. She starts loudly complaining about how her grandmother is kicking her out of her house b/c she found alcohol in the freezer and found out that she had a party while her g-ma was out of town. She proclaims that she doesn't care what her g-ma thinks...she's gonna go out and party tonight anyway b/c what else is her g-ma gonna do! Oh...and she's pissed that her 20 yr. old sister is the one that tattled on her b/c who is she?? She failed PE! B/c that obviously tells us something about her personality. Then she finds out her grandma is there to pick her up and she says...well i guess i'll just go into my room and turn on my music and not talk to anyone. What happened to her plan of partying tonight??? Geez...i'm disappointed that she didn't stick to her unique view of teenage angst...b/c surely no teenager has ever said or felt that before. Oh...and she informed the entire restaurant that she was 17. I know i did some stupid shit in my time...but i definitely never brought alcohol into my house.

Ah well...hope you enjoyed the story....i'm sure i'll start feeling a little less blah soon. Or at least i hope...i gotta figure out what's causing my funk and get rid of it.

Sorry for the posting draught. So i finally got everything figured out with my cable bill. So i think we're good finally. Nothing really exciting has been going on lately. My computer has been pretty freakin' ridiculous these days. I've been having a really hard time getting it to work at all. However...good news is...i'm leaving for Sacramento tomorrow morning! Yeah!!! 5 days off work and i get to see Jackie. How awesome is that?! So i'm sure that I'll have lots of great stories when i come back from vacation. And boy do i need one. I dropped columbo off at the kennel this afternoon. I'm such a worry wart. I know that he'll be fine...but i can't worry about how he's doing and if he's eating and what not. I'm also a little nervous about the flight. With all the planes that have been going down lately...it just kinda freaks me out a little. Flying isn't something i'm particularly fond of anyway...but it's the only way to get to California and back in five days. Work has been going along as normal. Nothing new there. Jon meets Dianna for the first time tonight. I hope they like each other. I think i need to get a matress pad. My back hurts all the time, even right after i wake up. I did sleep on the couch the other night (columbo was sick so i needed to be in the living room) and my couch sans cushions is only a little shorter than a twin bed. :-) Well...off to Cali!